Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Phillip Fulmer is Jealous of Steve Spurrier

I heard a rumor that Phillip Fulmer is only going to dress 18 players for the South Carolina game Saturday. He figures the rest should be able to dress themselves.

Mr. Fulmer has had a great run during his time at Tennessee. That was then. This is now! Let's face it, the game has passed him by. In the last 12 games Tennessee is 6-6 and after this week they will have a losing record. I will sum this up for you. Phillip Fulmer is not a good coach and he will be fired after this season. Look for Tennessee to have at least a 5 loss season.
Fulmer is jealous of Steve Spurrier. Spurrier is everything he wants to be. This is an exclusive copy of Fulmer's letter to Santa last year. (That's right Fulmer still believes in Santa Clause)

Dear Santa,

I have been a good boy this year. I haven't really been a good coach though. I hope you give me good presents this year. I would like you to somehow make me thin like Steve Spurrier. I tried the nutra-system diet but it makes me so hungry. Also, I don't know if this is possible or not but you are Santa. Can you go back in time and make me a hesiman trophy winner like Steve Spurrier. I think it would be so cool and people would like me better. Finaly, can you please, please kill Steve Spurrier. He makes my life miserable. I can never measure up to him and he is just so damn cocky.

I love you,


P.S. I am sorry I ate all the cookies last year before you came. I promise you will have some this year.

Wow! I can't believe Fulmer hates Spurrier so much. He may need to be put on suicide watch after Saturdays game.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Erin Andrews Makes Me Happy

The South Carolina Gamecocks lost to Vanderbilt this weekend. Some people turned to drugs or alcohol to cope. Not me, all I need is some Erin Andrews. For those of you that don't know, Erin Andrews is a sideline reporter for ESPN. I can't tell you one thing she has ever said, nor can I even tell you what her voice sounds like, but she sure is good looking! She is responsible for men all over the country not being completely satisfied with their current mate.

5 other things she is responsible for

1. Over 17 million boxes of Kleenex were used because of her.

2. Happy Hour
3. 48% of all divorce in the United States
4. 235,000 restraining orders
5. Sunshine

I wonder what it is like to be Erin Andrews? Does she know she is hot? Does she meet random guys in bars and hook up? However, I think the most important question to ask Erin is this. How does it feel to know men all over the country masturbate while thinking about you? Does it freak you out?

(If you don't like Erin Andrews how can you possibly like yourself?)

Friday, October 19, 2007

College Football Picks

(Wanna make money? Follow these picks)
Last night, everyone's favorite Cinderella team, the South Florida Bulls came crashing back to reality. Will this week be riddled with upsets? Don't count on it! If you can find some extra money or borrow against your home. Do it and follow these sure fire picks.
Winner is in all caps

(23) Cincinati 9.5 PITT -
Take Pittsburgh to cover. I still like Cinci to win but I don't think the are 10 points better than Pitt.
Bearcats 21 - Pitt 17

(6) SOUTH CAROLINA 13 Vanderbilt -
I have two words for Vandy..... Blake Mitchell. I look for Mitchell to throw at least 2 touchdown passes in his return to the lineup. His first drive, first pass, first play will be a deep pass.
South Carolina 41 - Vandy 13

(14) FLORIDA 6.5 Kentucky -
I am still not sold on the Wildcats. The Wildcats are coming off a huge win last Saturday. Get ready for a letdown.
Florida 27 - Kentucky 17

(9) West Virginia 24 MISSISSIPPI STATE-
The SEC is for real. This game will be close and the Bulldogs actually have a shot to win. Bet the house on Mississippi State.
West Va 24 - Miss. State 21

(24) MICHIGAN 2.5 Illinois -
I know Michigan lost to App. State but they are good. I look for them to win out and dash Ohio States championship dreams. Michigan in a laugher. 38 - 14

We here at Steve Spurrier is god would like you to gamble responsibly. (Unless of course you use our picks. In that case bet it all and enjoy the spoils of victory.)

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

WWSD....... What Would Spurrier Do?

"Wisdom Personified"

Every single day it seems like people make horrible decisions that affect themselves and in some cases the world. All of this could be avoided if people would stop and take the time to ask themselves a simple question. What would Spurrier do?
Here are a few instances that if they would have thought about what Spurrier would have done the world would be a better place.

1. Brittany Spears
- What she did: showed the world her vagina..What Spurrier would have done- wear panties. Steve Spurrier knows that a girls vagina should only be seen by her man. Your vagina is shy and does not appreciate all the unwanted attention. Please, put it away.

2. Larry Craig -
What he did: Solicited sex from a man in a bathroom. What Spurrier would have done- Used the bathroom in the bathroom. Steve Spurrier knows that men's rooms should only be used for number 1 or number 2. The only time a man can be excused for soliciting sex in a bathroom is if that bathroom is a women's bathroom.

3. George Bush
What he did: attacked Iraq. What Spurrier would have done- attacked Iraq. Steve Spurrier would have attacked Iraq but he would have had a plan that would work. Spurrier would have been in and out of Iraq in 3 hours and people in Iraq would be eating at McDonald's, drinking coke and driving Ford trucks right now.

These are just a few examples of how the world would have been a better place if the people involved would have stopped and asked... What would Spurrier do? I think we will make this a weekly segment that we will use as a way to guide us through our everyday life.

Friday, October 12, 2007

Gamecocks-Tarheels Preview


Steve Spurrier has the Gamecocks playing like a potential SEC east contender while Butch Davis has North Carolina fans getting slightly more interested in the football program. The Tar heels look like huge underdogs on paper but the game is at home and a win versus South Carolina could go a long way for the program. The Tar heels have far more to gain from this match up than the Gamecocks. While the Gamecocks definitely have more to lose.

QB- Chris Smelly vs T.J. Yates
Chris Smelly has filled in nicely for the maligned Blake Mitchell, completing 54% of his passes for 6 touchdowns and 3 ints. T.J. Yates is a freshman as well that has a huge upside. He is completing 61% of his passes for 9 touchdowns and 8 ints. Look for both of these quarterbacks to put up decent numbers in this game.
slight edge - South Carolina

RB - Cory Boyd/Mike Davis v
s Anthony Elzy/Johnny White
Cory Boyd and Mike Davis have combined for 770 yards and 9 tds while Anthony Elzy and Johnny White have combined for 446 yards and 4 tds. Look for UNC to run the ball a lot more against a struggling SC rush defense.
edge- South Carolina

North Carolina has a solid group of receivers for Yates to throw to. Hakeem Nicks and Brandon Tate are having very good years and could threaten a strong SC pass defense deep. South Carolina is led by Kenny McKinley. Someone needs to step up to be a solid #2 receiver.
edge- UNC

North Carolina needs their defense to step up big in this game to have a chance. They are led by Deunta Williams who has 3 ints. South Carolina is led by an outstanding secondary that has helped the Gamecocks have the number 1 pass defense in the country. If Eric Norwood and Casper Brinkley can put preasure on the quarterback the Gamecocks should do well.
edge- South Carolina

Both Coaches are great. Spurrier has led the Gamecocks to the cusp of the promised land and Butch Davis is trying to rebuild a football tradition at North Carolina. You know the name of the website so the edge goes to Steve Spurrier and South Carolina.

Final Score- USC 38 -
UNC 24

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

What's Wrong With Tigernet?

Picture a room where everyone in it is sniffing markers, yelling out nonsense and playing with rubber scissors. Your run of the mill nut house right? Now picture that same room with everyone in it wearing orange and purple. That's right..... I'm talking about the Clemson Tiger fans on the website tigernet. .

For those of you not familiar with tigernet, you should check it out after Clemson falls apart again and loses. These people are insane. After the Va Tech game I actually read a post by someone talking crap about the school shooting. Tiger net posters are the result of cousins having sex!!! They are obviously uneducated individuals that for the most part have no affiliation with the university.

Tigernet posters random stats
  1. 28% can not spell school

  2. 45% call their second cousin daddy

  3. 72% physically or mentally abused their spouse after the Virginia Tech game

  4. 99.2% cried or broke something after the Tech games

This isn't even an anti Clemson post. I'm sure the average Clemson fan is embarrassed by these people. I mean I have met some real nut jobs in my life but these people take it to a whole new level. Go to the website and look on the message board. All you will see is stuff about the coots. (A clever name they came up with for USC fans.) Let me walk you through an average day for a tigernet message board contributor.

7:00 a.m. Their alarm clock goes off to Tiger Rag. Before they even go have their morning pee they kneel before a poster of C.J. Spiller, and thank God for him. Then they shower using their Tiger mascot sponge.
8:30 a.m. They make their first tigernet post entitled Coots Suck!

12:00 p.m. They eat their peanut butter and jelly sandwich their mom packed in their Clemson Tigers lunch box.

2:00p.m. They make their 2nd post called Crazy Coots You Suck!

6:00 p.m. They watch the 1981 title game in which Clemson wins the Championship

8:00 p.m They make their final post entitled Coots You Suck Bad.... Real Bad.

9:00 p.m. Their mom tucks them in and they dream of Heisman trophies and championships to come.

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Do the Tarheels Have a Chance Saturday?


No! The Tar Heels have zero chance of winning Saturday. The only chance the Tar Heels have would be for the Gamecocks to hire Tommy Bowden as there coach. As long as Steve Spurrier is coaching in Columbia the Tar Heels might as well not show up.

Who do the Tar Heels have anyway? Brandon Tate? I'll tell you what Brandon Tate is on a Steve Spurrier coached team; 3rd string! Actually, Tate is a good player we would love to have but after him no one knows a player on the Tar Heels football team.

I was happy to see UNC beat Miami last weekend but the win was a little deceiving.

First, South Carolina is not Miami- Miami is a weak, deteriorating ACC team. I can not stress enough how weak the ACC is. If the gamecocks were in the ACC they wouldn't lose a conference game. How is Boston College is a top 5 team? They are going to lose to Notre Dame this weekend. Go ahead write that down, it's going to happen.

Second, this aint basketball - One win does not make you a good football team. After this weekend, the fans will once again be looking forward to basketball season.

A Few Stats

  1. 92% of Americans don't even know UNC has a football team
  2. The other 8% are ACC fans
  3. In 2003, the Make a Wish Foundation had a kid ask for UNC to be forced to quit playing football. That's all he wanted. He was on his death bed and he just wanted the joke that is UNC football to end.
  4. 98% of UNC's players are on the team because they weren't good enough to play at Duke.

Sunday, October 7, 2007

A Moment of Silence for the Clemson Tigers

Clemson seems less like Tigers and more
like this fans cat Fluffy

Let's all take a moment to remember what is left of the Clemson Tigers football season. Saturday they were outplayed and outcoached by Virginia Tech. Before the game, Clemson planted a tree to serve as a memorial to Virginia Tech. An anonymous source has told me that the Hokies will be planting a tree on their campus as well to wash away any hard feelings for the beatdown they put on Clemson Saturday.

This site is called Steve Spurrier is God. So what would Spurrier have done if he was coaching the Tigers. The simple answer is he would have won. He would have made adjustments in special teams, benched his quarterbck and won the game by 30. But then again Steve Spurrier is God. So what does that make Tommy Bowden? Well, there is no easy way to say this, but I'll try, a bum! Tommy Bowden can't win with superior talent in he ACC. If Steve Spurrier was still coaching Duke he would win the ACC. That's how weak that league is!

For all you Tigernet posters, don't jump! Stop, take a deep breath and start thinking of excuses on why you lost and why you still have the greatest football team in the uiverse. If it makes you feel any better talk trash about the gamecocks and Steve Spurrier. It will be ok because Steve Spurrier doesn't care, because Steve Spurrier is God.

Friday, October 5, 2007

Steve Spurrier: Truly a God

The Old Ball Coach
I couldn't help but notice a few blogs that claim a college football coach is God. The few I have seen are very entertaining but flawed. Those coaches are not Gods, they are mere mortals when compared to the great Steve Spurrier. Steve Spurrier is what we here at Steve Spurrier is God like to call, a winner! He wins games, plain and simple.

The South Carolina gamecocks are currently sitting at 5-1 and primed to win the SEC East. Spurrier said he believed the gamecocks could win the SEC. If he says it, then it's true. Steve Spurrier only speaks the truth. But what makes a coach a God?

1. You need followers -
Spurrier definitely has followers. The gamecock nation believe in him and everyone else can't stop talking about him. People hate him but they also respect him. And who can blame them, Spurrier is God.

2. You must be great-
Spurrier is the single most important person in college football. He wins everywhere he goes in the college football world. He is simply the best. Forget Pete Carroll, Joe Paterno is a joke, Bobby who? and Tommy Bowden is an absolute joke compared to Spurrier. You can't blame Tommy for being unable to compare to Spurrier because Spurrier is God.

3. You must be feared -
Spurrier terrifies the likes of Clemson, Florida, Georgia.... hell, every college football program in the country. He is the most hated college football coach around. People hate greatness and Spurrier is great. Last year in the Clemson game Spurrier had Bowden so confused he looked like even more incompitant than usual. It was expected though because Spurrier is God!

You can look forward to many more post about Steve Spurrier and his greatness. I would like to apologize in advance to college football programs all over the country that will get utterly destroyed by Spurrier in games, recruiting and life in general. Just know that after you were beaten you were just in the presence of greatness.